DO you talk yourself down?

I do this. My clients do it. It’s really very common.

But it's damaging.

When we try something new, or change ourselves for the better, we might hear ourselves say words like 'have to', 'must', 'can’t', 'difficult', 'weak', 'problem', 'failure', 'hopeless', 'won't', 'should', 'if'.

But, by actually saying those words, you’re actually feeding something that can stop you from changing.

You might be nursing that “idiot on your shoulder”, aka the subconscious.

Sometimes, it shouts very loudly in your head.

It’s often at its loudest and most nasty when you try to do something new.

The process is always the same.

We try something. It’s new and first time around it doesn’t go well.

Idiot shouts loudly “see, I told you it wouldn’t work", or “go on have it, one more won’t hurt”.

And we’re scuppered as we have no defence.

Idiot soaks up self-doubt like a sponge. Idiot replays every negative comment ever made to you so you hear them again and again.

Idiot fights change like Bruce Willis fights baddies. Idiot is a negativity magnet.

When it hears you say those words it shouts “Yey, here’s a fantastic excuse not to make that change”.

Play this game, instead.

Make a deal with family or friends.

Agree to point out whenever your partner is feeding their Idiot J.

Listen carefully.

But we do actually have “another voice”.

It’s much quieter, smaller and deeper inside you.

It’s right in your gut. It’s always much more gentle, more positive.

A bit like a loving parent, grandparent or best friend.

It has what you really want at heart.

You will hear it say very softly: “You CAN do this, you just need to try.

"Everyone fails sometimes, just pick yourself up, dust yourself off and come at the problem from a different angle.

"I KNOW you can achieve what you want so much. You really deserve it.”

If something is difficult, try to see it as a “challenge”, and imagine how amazing you will feel when you master it.

Try to listen more to the softer quieter voice deep inside you. With encouragement, that voice gets louder.

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